Let Us Pray

Prophesy or Madness? | July 25th, 2009

First the notices: “After the service we shall give parish-sister Martyann Johnsdaught-Lindsay back to Our Mother. She gave up our Burden at the age of fifty-five, and her remains will be processed at Midnight. Then, on Monday we’ll be going into the Techno Sector for a mass rally. We need to destroy the Heretics’ technological evils, along with their un-wholesome foods, any contraband tobacco, alcohol and other body poisons. Afterward we shall meet here for the potluck. Now remember! Last month, Annnya Sobokin’s life mate brought in milk chocolate, and he had to pay Penance. We thank him for the three nights at the pedals (the congregation chuckles in harmonic unison). So make sure you don’t bring any forbidden processed foods.”

Now we raise our chalice [with your hands raised up over your head and your palms facing outward in the shape of a bowl, lower your head and close your eyes] to give thanks to Our Mother for birthing us all and ask her forgiveness for our evils. Then we sing the hymn “Inconvenient Truth”. (I can’t remember the song too well, except for the chorus which went something like this: “Its and Inconvenient truth; we are destroying our earth…”)

After the song it’s time for communion. As each of us walks to the mound, we pray to Our Mother for forgiveness. (Last night I backslid. Again! I should have just destroyed that quaint audio player, but I couldn’t help myself and I listened to a few old songs — such a waste of power!) When I kneel in front of the mound, the priestess takes a small bit of soil in her hands — soil to represent Our Mother. Then she spits into it — to signify the poison that is humanity. She then places it on my tongue so that I may reconcile the two. Together we praise Our Mother, The Sun, and The Holy Gore; we are purified and no longer poison.

Now the sermon. “We ask Our Mother to forgive us for polluting the planet, but we know that She is benevolent, for she gave us the Holy Prophet. With his guidance we have done the Earth’s work and have begun the cleansing; and she has blessed us in the spirit of unity…” there is more, but I can’t hold it in any longer; I must go pee.

Before raising to go, I ask Our Mother to forgive me my penis, for it is a foul instrument of the devil. I make my way to the common room. (I’ve heard stories that males used to urinate standing up. Yah! Weird!) I squat over one of the holes in the floor and relieve myself. Since I have voided in this holy place — and because I am a male — I must reach into the pit, take a handful of the soils, and run it across my pubic bone, so that all can see that I am purified.

And I reflect: It’s amazing! how we have taken all that is poisonous about humanity and turned them into valuable, eco-friendly products. Our fecal matter is processed and turned into fertilizer [1] for our gardens. Plus we can sell the excess to all the other community gardens. Our urine is mixed with sand and other recycled materials and turned into bricks and mortar. It’s a hell of a lot better than flushing it all into a stream like the Heretechnics used to do. Besides, the bricks only smell bad when it’s really hot outside, which doesn’t happen that often, thanks to our sanctified efforts.

You’ve seen our church. You might think it a bit strange, but in the past people used to worship a man. A male! A white male! And we all know how inherently evil we all are, May Our Mother forgive Our Penises!


1. Human waste is actually a very good fertilizer; we are all of the earth, and just as the offal of animals is beneficial to the regeneration of the soil, then so is human waste. So while this is satire, there are points in it that are not. And I will point that out each time.

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